In spite of living in sunny Florida, when the days of the autumn equinox draw closer, even we can’t escape the shorter days and the longer nights that arrive with it.
Even though the temperatures are still reaching into the mid to high 80s these early days of October, the sun is hanging lower in the sky and a perceptible shift has been in the atmosphere for a few weeks now. Just this past weekend, we had the first change in our evening temperatures and the humidity has dropped markedly. It’s no longer stifling muggy when the air hits you as you step outside. It’s been a long time coming and very welcomed.
And there’s another feeling that comes with it for me too though–one of loss, of sorrow and despair that permeates me when the cool weather arrives. Even though, for the most part, our fall and winter months come with bright, sunshiny days–I can still be affected by a pervasive feeling of anxiety that sweeps over me. So it can’t be blamed on Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
I feel it is tied in with my life growing up in a problematic home ruled by alcohol. We were thrust together even more closely than usual during the cold months and it was an especially difficult time for me. So I believe, still to this day, I am feeling those days– imprinted in my DNA–emerging most often on the darkest and most bitter, cold days that will soon be approaching–reminding me.
Those feelings have lessened their grip as I’ve grown older, perhaps I’ve let go of and put behind me much of that time–but still I notice and feel their presence.
My entry for Monday Morning Writing Prompt: Darkness http://liv2write2day.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/monday-morning-writing-prompt-darkness/