Pervasive thoughts
unwanted
swing me from peace
and calm off the
abyss into the depths
of fear and panic
where my heart
pounds
in my ears
louder
and
louder
my muscles
tighten
and my
hands
clutch each other
in a vain attempt
to console
but tension
does not
bring about
relaxation
NO
I must
breathe
s l o w l y
in
and
out
and, if need be,
sequester myself
away from well-meaning
people who are NEVER
able to restore my calm
by their good-intentioned
words of rational beseeching.
What I fear the most is this dark beast that creeps up on me without warning.
Mish is our host at dVerse Poets and asks us to write on “What are you afraid of?”
Bodhirose's Blog 
Mish
/ August 2, 2016I could see and feel the tension. When I get claustrophobic, the anxiety is very much like this for me. Thank you for sharing, Gayle. Wishing all dark beasts of every kind would hit the road!!
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Bodhirose
/ August 2, 2016Yes, hit the road! Thanks, Mish.
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Arcadia Maria
/ August 2, 2016I think you describe anxiety perfectly in this piece.
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Bodhirose
/ August 2, 2016I’m an expert on it that’s why. 😦
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Glenn Buttkus
/ August 2, 2016Sounds like a panic attack. We are fragile creatures & stress/anxiety is not our friend.
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Bodhirose
/ August 2, 2016It’s been a part of my life since I was a tiny girl…no, it’s not a friend but I can cope much better these days. Thanks for your visit, Glenn.
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Grace
/ August 2, 2016Stay from those people…keep calm and breathe deeply and think positive thoughts. This is powerful share of those dark thoughts, the beast ever lurking behind Gayle.
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Bodhirose
/ August 2, 2016I can cope better when I’m alone and don’t have the input of others. I do much better these days, Grace…thanks!
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SilverGardenia
/ August 2, 2016Very powerful.
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Bodhirose
/ August 2, 2016Thanks very much.
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maria
/ August 3, 2016So true! I fear those dark beasts, too. I hope your having great day today.
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016I’m having a great day, Maria, and hope you are too! Thanks. 🙂
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maria
/ August 4, 2016You’re most welcome. 🙂
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kim881
/ August 3, 2016A spot-on description of anxiety, Gayle. I could feel it as I read your poem. My own dark beast has been tamed for a while now, since I retired and I spend a lot of time in the safety of our cottage, although it emits a growl every now and then. I have to keep it on a tight leash.
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016Mine’s on a tight leash too, Kim…thanks for sharing.
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Misky
/ August 3, 2016That’s a panic attack. Been there, although haven’t recently, thankfully.
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016Thankfully, I haven’t either, Misky.
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navasolanature
/ August 3, 2016This really conveys fear and tension and no way out. Powerfully conveyed.
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016Thank you, Georgia, it really does feel that way.
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p.s.
/ August 3, 2016Very smart presentation.
I can’t help but giggle here:
“in a vain attempt
to console
but[t] tension”
… because I am basically still 12.
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016Thank you, p.s. Now when I read it I saw “butt tension” too. I think it may be stuck in my head that way now…maybe I’m basically 12 too. 🙂
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Raivenne
/ August 3, 2016The fear and anxiety you pen here took me immediately and vividly there. You convey this so well. The internal fight to simply breathe and break past it.
“and, if need be,
sequester myself
away from well-meaning
people who are NEVER
able to restore my calm”
This is the best advice,
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016Thank you, Raivenne. It seems that many have experienced these “dark beasts.” I used to feel bad that my loved ones couldn’t help calm me but now I know that being alone helps the best.
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Josslyn Rae Turner
/ August 3, 2016Intense writing! Beautifully written. 🙂
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016Thanks for that, Josslyn, I appreciate it! 🙂
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Josslyn Rae Turner
/ August 3, 2016You’re welcome! ❤
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katiemiafrederick
/ August 3, 2016Yeah.. i think it is kinda hilarious
in a sad way too.. when folks think
they can talk folks out of generalized anxiety
to full blown panic attacks in words when it
is mostly driven by a physiological response
in neurochemicals.. and neurohormones out
of balance in body flow.. and for me at
least at one point the Air Force
Psychiatrist who studied
me assessed me as
having the worst
case of anxiety
he had seen.. including
his cases of combat fatigue
and PTSD same.. and my other
Doctors prognoses were i would
be on anti-anxiety meds the rest
of my life for sure.. but the pARt they
miserably left out was the body part
of the anxiety connection to the Mind..
as what i.. particularly on the Autism Spectrum.. did not
have.. is Emotional Regulation and Sensory Integration
that is Innately.. Instinctually.. and Intuitively driven by
MoVinG the Body Freely in distance and space in an
artful way freely.. as all natural physical intelligence
as any lessons in mechanical
cognition ways on how to do it..
just takes away from
releasing tension
as mechanical cognition
by very definition of the beta
waves of mind required to exercise
that type of reasoning instruction driven
intelligence is stressful in itself and counter
productive too.. problem is.. some folks are literally
afraid too.. to do anything without instruction as that
too is a type of fluid intelligence that not everyone shares
equally as some folks are very literal verbal thinking folks
who must have instructions in words to get the job done..
so sure.. the human condition is complicated and every
one views the world differently and there is
no one prescription of healing for
everyone same when
it comes to the
real hUman heARt
of EmoTions regulation
in SpiRit eXpreSSinG ways
of experienCinG and giVing
FeeLings and the integration
of Senses in mind and body
balance that can certainly
be metaphored
as a soul
whOle
in self
actualization
ways too.. of animal
homeostasis that most
animals enjoy except for human
beings who are taught a full load
of illusory fears from birth.. and of course
the traumas that are real that come from
culture as whole from birth to death..
anyway.. to make a somewhat
longer story shorter..
the psychiatrist after he
saw how successful i was
in totally eliminating my anxiety
and doing things that most people
in the world are not brave enough to do..
like dancing solo in front of hundreds of
folks pushing 6,000 miles now in the
36th months of doing that now..
quit his practice
to teach movement
therapy instead of just
pushing anti-anxiety drugs..
Lesson learned for me and
him and those who do remember
what being human even is in action
and practice and much work of simply
being in animal homeostasis balance..
Anxiety made my life almost not worth living..
i have zero anxiety now.. and whenever i have
a chance to tale this story.. i just do it.. as i escaped that
hell and thrive every second of every day with zero anxiety my friEnd..
and if my therapist hadn’t seen it herself she might not have believed
it as she
named it
a literal miracle
when i went from
not being able to do
almost anything in life
to anything at all i wanted
to do free of all anxiety sTiLL
now.. no woo here.. my friend.. science2..
as even science is finally determining that
the body keeps score and our mind lives
from
head
to toe..
with sure..
heaRt.. Spirit
and SoUL that
can liVe Free as a bird..
floating without a fear on
A horizon of iSREAL NOW…:)
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016Well, it’s interesting that when you mentioned that movement can help release the anxiety, I remembered that at times when I would be in full blown panic mode that I would just begin yawning and shaking (shivering)…natural movement that the body would just take over to help release the tension. Paying attention to our bodies is key in many ways but what you said is so true…this panic business shows up in different ways for different people. I’m glad that you’re free of anxiety, Frederick.
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katiemiafrederick
/ August 3, 2016Thanks
My FriEnd..
And i
Hope
Anxiety
Free for you
As WeLL..:)
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freyathewriter
/ August 3, 2016Anxiety, yes, I know this beast… you express it so well.
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016Sorry that you too suffer with this, Freya…we’re not alone are we?
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freyathewriter
/ August 3, 2016No, we’re not!
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Waltermarks
/ August 3, 2016My wife has had some severe panic attacks. At first doctors thought they were seizures. I hope you find peace
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016Sorry to hear that Walter…I hope she finds peace too. There’s much more peace these days for me, fortunately. Thanks for sharing.
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Waltermarks
/ August 3, 2016Good for you, she’s getting better too.
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rosemawrites
/ August 3, 2016this is an emotive poem. the tension and agony is so vividly expressed. 🙂
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016Thanks very much, Rosema. 🙂
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rosemawrites
/ August 3, 2016you are most welcome! 🙂
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Bkmackenzie
/ August 3, 2016The dark beast if our thoughts can be crippling leaving us geeked with anxiety and fear. I can tell your fear is very real within ️your words…bkm
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016Oh yeah, that fear is really real! But much more under control these days…very grateful for that.
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Bryan Ens
/ August 3, 2016Good intentioned words of rational beseeching are never good.
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Bodhirose
/ August 3, 2016No, never.
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Sanaa Rizvi (@rizvi_sanaa)
/ August 4, 2016This is so incredibly intense! Kudos
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Charley
/ August 4, 2016Yep. Here’s what I do to help someone going through an anxiety event: keep my mouth shut and my advice to myself. By the way, your poem flowed very much like the breathing my mom would experience when she was assailed by anxiety. Very effective!
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Bodhirose
/ August 4, 2016Thanks, Charley, you’re a wise man. I’m sorry that your Mom suffered from them too.
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Charley
/ August 4, 2016Me too. You’re welcome.
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Lorna's Voice
/ August 4, 2016Incredibly effective poem in structure and content. I paused at the word “rational.” We hang on to the belief, hope really, of rationality. But are we a rational species? I know we are capable of rational thought and action, but how often do we use that capacity?
Thinking a lot about that lately as I try not to fear all that is happening in our world.
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Bodhirose
/ August 6, 2016Thank you, Lorna. I’m beginning to think that rationality is not one of our strong suits. With so much discord all over our planet where is the logic in all of it? Seems to be MIA…
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Lorna's Voice
/ August 10, 2016There is no logic. Logic is the fallacy we are taught is truth. Oh, sure, we are capable of rational thought with these advanced brains, but that does not mean that we use them for rational thought. Our core brain is still a dominant player!
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Bodhirose
/ August 10, 2016And I’m guessing that core brain mostly deals with our more ‘base’ nature, right? That would explain things!
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Lorna's Voice
/ August 10, 2016Yes, instinctive and visceral reactions. The raw stuff.
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Bodhirose
/ August 10, 2016Right…
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