I Am Found; a Haibun

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” –Mary Oliver

As your words went dark and their harshness increased, I felt that something was very wrong. But initially I thought something was wrong with me.  You explained things so brilliantly; your gift of conversation and deliberation were masterful.  I had always been so proud of you for that.  My attempts at discourse with you, especially if I disagreed, were soon set straight…I was mistaken.

Gradually, over many, too-long years, I came to see something else in you. The man I had seen as capable with a sterling intellect was in fact delusional and exceedingly corrupt and insecure.  You are a narcissist; you are lost.

I am found.

cold winds sweep the plains
a lone wolf bares her wild soul
howls break free…I’m here

Grace is our host for our 7th Haibun Monday–please join us at dVerse Poets and choose one of the quotes that we’ll be using for our inspiration.  http://dversepoets.com/2016/02/15/haibun-monday-7/

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34 Comments

  1. I think we all chose the same quote, smiles ~ I admire the contrast of him being lost and delusional, but you have found yourself ~ There is freedom at last ~ Love the baring of the lost soul, like a self-realization of one’s identity ~ Thanks for joining Haibun Monday ~

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    • Yes, we have. I was trying so hard to get across the sense of wild, abandoned freedom in that haiku. Thanks, Grace, it was my pleasure to join with you.

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  2. Sometimes the best in people turns out to be the worst. It’s like a toolbox where you use the best of your tools to cause damage instead of repairing what’s broken… and in the end even Dorian Gray’s portrait caught up with himself… love the conclusion.

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    • You’re exactly right, Bjorn. Some choose to do damage instead of good with their gifts and nothing can persuade them otherwise when they’re delusional.

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  3. The gift of the darkness being the true, wild, wonderful you! I am found….bravo!

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  4. Oh, the haiku is like one huge exclamation point. I have to think most of us have had someone like that in our lives…sadly.

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  5. Your poem packs a wallop, Gayle. Both you and I wrote about gifts of ‘darkness’ we received from people. But, ha, both of us are still here…..and undoubtedly wiser! Good for you for moving on.

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    • I was going for that wallop, Mary, thanks, I’m glad it was achieved. Yes, you and I are both wiser I’m sure. And good for you too, Mary.

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  6. Nice image of the wolf against the cold plains announcing its presence..

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  7. YES. I was found much the same way. Well done.

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  8. Oooh, I like your wolf-like genuine soul howling free…
    This haibun spoke to me very directly indeed. I’ve been stuck in a relationship like this and am gradually finding my own voice and my own ‘wildness’. Thank you for that.

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  9. The joy of freedom and release. Wonderful.

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  10. I got chills reading this. We truly can be “women who run with the wolves”! Bravo!

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  11. Snakypoet (Rosemary Nissen-Wade)

     /  February 16, 2016

    Ah, those charming, brilliant narcissists! It’s good that you are found, wolf-woman. :)

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    • They can be charming and very accomplished…but ugh, you can’t have a normal life with them. It’s very good that I am found. :~) Thank you, Rosemary.

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  12. I can relate as well. Glad that ride is over though it wasn’t useless. It was the beginning of finding me.

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  13. this was really powerful and I love the way you concluded with ‘I’m here’

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  14. It is a sad discovery especially after many long years. The danger of personality changes can shock many stable beings into submission!

    Hank

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    • Because I was so young when we met, I didn’t have the awareness to notice that he had this personality disorder until many years later. Whew, it’s a wonder I survived at all. Thank you, Hank.

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  15. Origin of all disorders
    of lack empathy most
    often start at birth
    without a warm
    breast.. then..
    and hands
    of touch
    and feel..
    path
    is often laid
    down for never
    feeling or filling
    essence nowiN
    Chalice of heARt..

    Grow garden Love
    or never
    LiVes Now..:)

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    Reply
  16. In some people, preoccupation with intellect hobbles their emotional development and leads to a destructive concentration on self. You are lucky you escaped.

    Like

    Reply

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