It’s Time

Panic
Image from Bing Images

Panic gripped and I hid away;
I turned tail and ran and tried to keep it at bay.
But it’s useless I know, it’s happened before,
the cycle continues and the pain I deplore.
I know I am judged as weakness overcomes,
the shame that envelopes me, dark and tiresome.
My stuttering excuses fall on deaf ears,
they’ve been said many times, when the beast has appeared.
A lifetime has evolved into a habitual disgrace,
and a pushing against instead of embrace.
It’s a painful admission to put this out here,
but it could help someone else who may disappear.

Come, I say, beckoning to myself, let me hold you in love;
you have much that is worthy and are a sensitive dove.
This reality was created by a small, frightened child,
let go and relax, live a life that’s more mild.
You know it’s your thoughts that have brought this about,
and your worst judge is you, of that there’s no doubt.
So turn them around, make it a practice
create a bright world, and let go of the blackness.

Mary is our hostess today at dVerse Poets after our 3rd year anniversary celebrations. She is inviting us to write something on the subject of time or clocks and use either word in our creation. Thank you, Mary! Join us here: http://dversepoets.com/2014/07/22/poetics-time-and-time-again/

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41 Comments

  1. panic attacks are tough and can lame us.. great to be able to let go and i love the tactic of turning the blackness into brightness…

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  2. A lovely write and premise! I agree it is time to stop pushing against and embrace!

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  3. Really, I appreciate the honesty of your poem. It is always a good thing when a person can hold themselves in love. It sounds as if you have come to some understanding of your panic, and hopefully there will be more bright than dark in your world.

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    • Yes, I do have some understanding of it but it’s a tough cookie to turn around. The attempt continues. And thank you, Mary.

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  4. Panic attacks can be very crippling but you are right we are usually our worst critics and would feel more at peace with ourselves if we could be oblivious of this small inner voice.

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    • I know I have judged myself harshly at times…and that small inner voice becomes screamingly loud at times. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, Gabriella.

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  5. It is an amazing journey from childhood trauma to learning to love ourselves in our middle and later years. But that is the journey. I was happy to see those lines in your poem. When you look at that beautiful and precious granddaughter of yours, think back to your own small years and know you were and are equally as precious.

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    • Hi Sherry…I always love seeing you. Yes, it is a journey and I’ve been fortunate to get some help through the years. Certainly, Mira, has helped boost my spirits and I love knowing that her young years will be surrounded in love and support…peace and security. What more could I want for her. Thank you for sweet words of support…they mean so much.

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  6. I like your rhymes so much. Perfect wording and excellent vision you have. 🙂

    🙂

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  7. It is so easy to be so hard on ourselves. I love the dialogue between the fragile child within and the loving self who is a healer. If only that healing could occur in one moment of enlightenment. I suspect for most of us it is a gradual peeling away of the layers and layers of judgment and messages received from outside ourselves.

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    • Yes, if only it would come quickly in the flash of a moment’s awakening….ahhh…blessed relief! I am grateful that I do have some awareness that has helped me on this path…even so, I can still get low and beat myself up. Thank you, Victoria…you always know just what to say.

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  8. I can’t imagine how terrifying these times can be- loved how you changed the voice from panic to tenderness – nice – K

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    • And I would never want you to find out. The only way for transformation is through acceptance, forgiveness (of myself and perceived weakness) and heaping helpings of tenderness and love. Thanks for sharing, K.

      Gayle ~

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  9. Glenn Buttkus

     /  July 22, 2014

    Some never achieve, never arrive at the way station you have reached; they are the lost ones, real victims to time, to life itself. I was once told, “If you want more hugs, then become more huggable.” Truth like the simplicity of words best. As the Beatles sang, “In the end, the love you take should be equal to the love you make.”

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    • Thank you, Glenn for your thoughtful and generous compliment…it means a lot to me. Love that Beatles’ line too…oh so true.

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  10. I feel this one–it’s easier to just flee or beat ourselves up than to embrace ourselves. Very well done!

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    • Thanks very much, Jeff. I’ve become a good escape artist at times…when necessary to bolt rather than explain. Sometimes when people have tried to “help”…it doesn’t. I need to just go and decompress…in quietude. So, so hard to embrace…

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  11. I admire the two voices, from two perspective ~ Sometimes these panic attacks hold us in fear & doubts ~ The loving note in the end makes this a lovely poem ~

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  12. what an inspiring awakening !!…and it is the best way of utilizing time…i love that soft spoken voice within self taking the hold….a beautiful write…

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    • Many thanks, Sumana, for your kind words. And I agree, it is a good way to utilize time…for sure. I am working on cultivating love and healing for that little one within me that clings to the fear. I know it can help.

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  13. Your poem is lovely. It left me feeling good, hopeful that those who experience trauma, panic or other types of extreme life experiences, can heal. Time is a precious friend. We can all conquer our minds, our thoughts and detour them towards something positive. I appreciate your thoughts here.

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  14. Lovely poetry ❤ I adore the rhyming and it's nice how you managed to overcome the panic and clear your mind 🙂 I wish you peace.

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  15. I love the theme this week and the way you handled it. The poem starts off when such a frenetic feel then ends with a sigh. Whew! 🙂

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    • Thank you so much, Lorna. Panic is an extreme frenetic feeling for sure! We all have the capacity to give tenderness and acceptance to those parts within that cause us pain. I think it can bring about healing. It made me cry to write that last part…it touched me so deeply.

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      • I could tell. The emotion in the poem was so “out there” and so embedded at the same time, if you know what I mean…

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        • I know what you mean…yes. Those emotions that came up told me I need to be sweet to myself more often. Thanks, Lorna.

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  16. Panic can be so overwhelming. Love your ability to write about this and the flow the rhyme gives it.

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    • I was in the midst of the experience and decided to write about it. It helped to release some of my pent up emotions. Thank you for your compliment and visit, Kathryn…I appreciate it.

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  17. I thought you conveyed an excellent sense of the pain of living with the forgiveness of reality of being who you are and being happy in that. Beautifiully done.

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  18. if only it were so easy to let go of the blackness. I can imagine the italicized stanza being said every morning (a daily inhaler of sorts) and in occasion when the time warrents, over and over ’til the spell passes.

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  19. We really do all have a “frightened child” within us. Panic, despair… there is a way out – accept who we are and embrace it. Lovely.

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  20. Our mind and our thoughts can have so much control on us sometimes. A powerful write Bodhirose. 🙂

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    • I’ve come to realize how much our thoughts do create our reality. Now, how to figure out how to change them… Thanks so much, Carrie.

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