When Young

Photo by Bomobob:  Google Images

When young though ripe for summer’s love of you
Love threw its net enclosing round me fast
Long, golden days spent wading in the blue
While thoughts made blind to what the day had cast

From afar I tracked your every move
With eyes glazed warm laid on your fairest face
Just one, small glance from you…what would this prove
Alone am I in this lover’s embrace

But by the near of summer’s glowing wane
My heart grew calm and thoughts changed into fall
Autumn’s shift did cool love’s fervent refrain
With passing days became a faint recall

So if absorbed in love’s consumed engross
A season’s span can bring it to a close

Oh, no, I’m quaking in my boots, Gay instructs us on sonnets today over at dVerse Poets Form For All!  I’m afraid it’s another “Not a Sonnet” for me…sigh…:


Sharing this with Poets United today:  http://poetryblogroll.blogspot.com/2012/09/poetry-pantry-115.html

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  1. But by the near of summer’s glowing wane
    My heart grew calm and thoughts changed into fall…def. cool volta here…change of tone…the growing calm..i like


  2. Oh I think you did a splendid job with this sonnet! Your rhyme scheme is perfect, your lines are ten syllables long but more importantly you made the turn on L9 and it’s a charming volta. The difficulties you encounter are the ones we all do. The lines need extra syllables sometimes and those are sometimes as hard to find as deleting ones you don’t want to lose. The other tricky thing is discerning anapests (I had a hard time weeding them out too) — but it’s not so necessary to do so. If the rhythm works with them..go for it! But never say this isn’t a sonnet…because it is, and a fine one too!


    • Well you are so kind, Gay…but I knew what was coming. I just can’t seem to get the “duh DUMS” worked out correctly…it’s so tricky isn’t it? I’m glad that I’m not alone in figuring out these sonnets. Anapests, huh? Had to look that up…yep..I’ve got those going on. It’s a good thing that I have a sense of humor about all this! 🙂 Thank you for your very sensitive critique that is so helpful to me.


    • Bodhirose: Perfect!

      Gay: ten syllables do not iambics make
      for pentameter, five stresses take
      and alternate with five light beats.
      But to make a dancing sonnet,
      one more, one less if phonic
      sends the poem supersonic.


  3. Oops forgot to mention that the content of the poem is charming…it’s certainly true in those puppy love crushes that a return to school makes that summer heartthrob disappear!


  4. a very classical and lyrical feel to this…the passing of love…i felt your turn…which to me makes it work very nicely…and pairing with with the changing of the seasons all the more…smiles.


    • I like that classical feel to these old forms…still can’t seem to get this sonnet business figured out..but I haven’t given up…thanks for your support, Brian.


  5. this is so lyrical, beautiful poem! i so love your writings!


  6. A beautiful sonnet Gayle ~ just lovely


  7. A charming read and a good play with the form


  8. I know so little about the difference between the various forms of poetry…but I’m learning through your presentation of such memorable examples and the comments you get from your fellow poets. Very interesting…


  9. Believe me, Lorna, I know very little myself but do like to try new forms if I feel up to the challenge. I hear that the sonnet is one of the more difficult forms to master…and there are several different types all with their own tricky formats. This was my second “not a sonnet”….hehe… But am glad you’re enjoying reading my attempts…many thanks.


  10. The fading of infatuation — a fun illustration! Thanx


  11. This is most definitely a sonnet and a very good one. Love the lilting rhythm of your sonnet, the rhyming is impeccable. Very very nice work.


    • Well there are a couple of “hitches” in there…but one of these days, I’ll make it happen. But much gratitude for your sweet compliments, Sherry…I appreciate it.


  12. This truly is just beautiful — both in form and content. It remnds me of the days of ‘summer love’ when I was in high school; but by the time fall rolled around, and it was back to school the summer love had cooled to match the autumn air. But you really DID do well with the sonnet form (which I passed on this time – LOL).


    • Thanks so much for your generous words, Mary. Yes, it reminds me of those days too…just being so hung up on someone and then in no time moving on to someone else…fickle youth. Yeah, I noticed a lot of people passed on the sonnet…and I know why too…LOL!


  13. This is such a beautiful write! I can’t speak to the form because I am so ignorant of form–but the form seems to flow well and the rhyme all feels free as well–I sigh only because of my own ignorance—


    • I really appreciate your compliment, Audrey. The sonnet is a force to be reckoned with…and I’m not kidding either…this is my second attempt…still haven’t gotten it down. I do have the right amount of syllables and the rhyme is correct but the ‘meters’, not quite. So much to learn!


  14. Oh, I absolutely LOVE that last line! I liked this sonnet, Gayle. I think you did a great job with it. You have some lovely assonance and even alliteration, too! What’s not to like? 😀


    • Well, wasn’t it you that tried to give me a lesson in sonnets after my first “not a sonnet”? Of course it was and still I can’t get it down. No, I won’t formally call it a sonnet unless I can adhere to all those ‘blanking’ rules! Then, I can fool around with the form if I want to. Really, I do know that it isn’t quite there yet but I haven’t given up! You’re too kind, Corina… :~)


  15. In trying is creation, and I really enjoyed this poem you so honestly created, Gayle.



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