Senryu

I tried my hand at writing senryu last night.  Don’t even know how to pronounce it.  Unlike haiku, but using the same number of lines and syllables, senryu subject matter deals more with human qualities…or foibles.

I

finger traces frown
simple touch forming a grin
wordless gaze speaks plain

II

head bowing in grief
surrounding activity
distracting tear’s fall

III

coffee break was stale
anger leaving it bitter
aroma left flat


  Photo:  Google Images

IV

filmy, floating gown
luring midnight seduction
dawn…alone…forlorn

Photo:  Google Images

V

glazing the raku
fired pot combusts a pattern
sawdust leaves its mark

Photo:  Google Images; Natureofclay.com

VI

aged, lonely woman
sweeping fallen, autumn leaves
her eighty-fifth year

Natasha Head starts us off today with Open Link Night at dVerse Poets:  http://dversepoets.com/2012/08/21/openlinknightweek-58/

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34 Comments

  1. All of these are lovely.The last one sad for her loneliness. Lovely pics too. Very nice write!

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  2. in each of those you did a great job with capturing emotions…my fav was the last one with the 85 year old woman…so well done

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    • Thanks, Claudia…I would like to explore this form more…I really like the idea of using fewer words that can make a big impact of feeling. I appreciate your compliment.

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  3. such vivid expressive senryus you’ve composed, Gayle..i enjoyed all, the fifth one probably my favorite, for the sound of it. thanks for sharing~~

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  4. Lovely set specially 5th and 6th poem ~

    Cheers to you ~

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  5. four def captures a feel for me…and nice twist in it…also like the coffee one playing off the bitterness of the brew itself….very cool…never written one….

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  6. enchanting, nicely done! — bw

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  7. Gayle, you did a good job with these. I like that you tried something new. We all should do this. if I were to choose a favorite, it would be this one:

    coffee break was stale
    anger leaving it bitter
    aroma left flat

    I REALLY get it!

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    • I do like to explore forms sometimes…just the form can sometimes spark an idea to write about. I get that one too! 🙂 Thanks, Mary…

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  8. Laurie Kolp

     /  August 21, 2012

    These are wonderful, but there’s something about the last one that especially touches me.

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  9. I cannot believe that you mean these to be separate poems.
    the 85 year old is real: she has a body, a mind, a coffeemaker, and probably a filmy floating gown too, though she may move slower and hide her tears.

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    • Hahaha….oh, my goodness, you’re absolutely right of course! Read it however you like. I love your comments, Susan…very funny…and real.

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  10. doesn’t sound like a good day. and that coffee going stale, that really must have been a bummer to waste a break on a state coffee

    fruit essence facial mask

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  11. Love senryu–great writes here! I think VI is my favorite, although I do like IV quite a bit too.

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  12. gracefulglider

     /  August 22, 2012

    Lovely, plus I am challenged to 🙂 x

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  13. I don’t really know this form, but you seemed to capture something elusive with each one of these.

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  14. I particularly like the last one. For senryu, some of the same rules as haiku apply; e.g. the juxtaposition of two ideas.

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    • Thank you, Rosemary…I like that aspect of haiku too. I’ll keep working on them…and, I looked up how to pronounce it…I wasn’t sure. 🙂

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  15. Your beautiful senryu show no signs of being a learning curve!

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  16. Oh, a very sweet thing to say…thank you, Viv!

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  17. I think III and IV are my favorites of these. I also think you did a great job with the form. I’m not sure I could have distinguished between a haiku and senryu (Luke would do a better job of it, I’m sure), but either way, they are well crafted!

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    • Thanks, Corina, I’m glad you enjoyed these. Well, my understanding is that haiku deal more with qualities of nature and senryu describes human feelings or foibles generally with an ironic or satirical quality. Don’t know if I quite pulled them off or not…

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  18. Very well done, Gayle, the last one especially poignant.

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