Baptismal Awakening

Here’s a dream I had many years ago when I was still married.  I started having all these dreams towards the end of our marriage that were very blatantly letting me know what I already knew was true about him.  I wrote many down because they stayed in my mind so vividly:

My husband and I had gone to this building where we were looking for postings on activities around the community.  It appeared to be a church.  Then, I found myself sweeping the floor in the room where we had entered.  There was a smaller room off of this main room and I went to sweep in there.  I saw three steps leading down into this area which reminded me of a baptismal room.  I decided to sweep down in the space below and as I go to jump down in it, I immediately realize that it is extremely deep and I will die if I fall all the way in.  So as I leap, I catch myself and am holding on with my arms while my toes are pressed tightly against the inside wall holding myself up.  I begin yelling for help–for my husband to come help me.  I yell and yell and he doesn’t come.  Finally, he appears and I say get some rope or something to get me out of here–I need your help.  Instead of helping me, he sits down by my head–where I’m desperately clutching onto the edge and he quietly (patronizingly) says to me– if you would just give it some thought you could figure out how to get out of this predicament.  I instantly felt this flash of anger and thought to myself–“fuck it” and with a great, heaving push I was able to pull myself to safety.  I then found myself at the top of the steps and my husband was holding me while I cried.  I was crying because I didn’t want anyone else to fall in there and feel the fear and helplessness that I had.  My feeling towards my husband was neutral.  I wasn’t comforted by his presence.

Entry for Monday Morning Writing Prompt-Dream Symbolism: http://liv2write2day.wordpress.com/2011/04/24/monday-morning-writing-prompt-dream-symbolism/

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25 Comments

  1. What a strong and prophetic dream, Freud had a point about our dreams being a window into the subconscious!

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  2. I don’t think my feelings would have been nuetral at that point.

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  3. jgavinallan

     /  April 25, 2011

    Wow! Deep and a whole lot of other descriptive words that do not express the emotion in the article.
    It could be a symbolic piece at how someone can show their disinterest or non-special feelings for someone.
    Very “heavy” piece. I would like to read some of your other work.

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    • It also could symbolize that my husband is a narcissistic sociopath who is incapable of having feelings for anyone else but himself. Sadly true.

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      • Oh, sorry, I got carried away and forgot to thank you for your wonderful comment.–I appreciate your visit very much. And please help yourself to read whatever you would like.

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  4. Wow, oh wow, Gayle. There is so much in this dream. It feels to me like it helped you learn to care for yourself. I believe these kind of dreams are such a gift. Thanks for sharing this one, strong woman.

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    • So true–this one gave me a lot of empowerment–a true gift. These dreams I had were like a “bonk” on the head–wakeup girl–you can’t deny it anymore!

      I was stronger than I thought–so grateful I found that out! Thanks, Victoria.

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  5. How telling Gayle! Isn’t it amazing how sometimes we have to tell ourselves things in our sleep state. I am not sure is more frightening, dreaming about a hideous situation or waking up in one! Thank you for sharing this nightmare story.

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  6. What a profound gift this dream was. It talked to you about the situation, about you, and about your husband, who sadly could not give what he didn’t have. I’m glad you felt empowered and were able to leave. Holding you in metta for continued healing and wishing you all the love and support that you need and deserve. Hugs! xoxox

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    • I agree, a profound gift. It was laid out so clearly. Thank God for that flash of anger–it saved my life–truly!

      So deeply appreciate your healing feelings of metta for me, Jamie. xoxo

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  7. Tino11

     /  April 26, 2011

    One of those moments, where being the reader doesn’t prevent you from wanting to shout,

    “Oi, ya bastard, how about a helping hand here”

    Definately a dream to indicate the end of a chapter in your life, but also that you have the strength of will and character to get through it.

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    • He couldn’t do it. Some people just can’t.

      I’m very grateful for the strength to move on with my life though–such a blessing.

      Thanks, Tino.

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  8. our dreams often hint us about things which our eyes dont understand.

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    • Yes, dreams can sometimes be very helpful to us. I didn’t want to believe what I really knew to be true about him but my subconscious told me loud and clear. I couldn’t deny it any longer. Thank goodness!

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      • this is really so interesting, to think about this powerful subconscious of ours that observes every thing so minutely and then tries to convey it to us. i have seen a few truly surprising examples myself.

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      • I find it very, very interesting too. One of my sisters has very powerful dreams too–that very clearly mirror situations in her waking life. We love to discuss them.

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      • i think the more sensitive you are the more vivid your dreams get. by the way have you seen inception? you may enjoy it. the new movie by leo capri.

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      • I think you may be right. No, I haven’t seen that movie yet–I think it’s on our Netflix list though–it looks like a good one.

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      • i watched it, its not bad, the actors are all brilliant but….

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      • Well, I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

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  9. I have few such sad dreams which i better not write about .. Just thinking what they stood for at that moment was overwhelming .. This was quite similar feeling .. Kudos to you for being able to recollect this still and write so well about it ..

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    • Yes, some dreams can leave us reeling emotionally. Through the years, I started writing down the dreams that profoundly stayed in my conscious mind. I recognized them as powerful messages being imparted to me. Reading what I had written helped me relate it here.

      Thank you for sharing and your kind compliment, Nimue, it means a lot to me.

      Just as a suggestion: If you should have other powerful dreams that stay with you, you may want to write them down too if you don’t already–it may help with processing your feelings.

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