Walking Away

At first all I felt was just a pinch or two

perhaps likened to an itch upon my foot.

Then a vague uncertainty arose as the sting grew worse.

Words were spoken to confuse me, demeaning my worth


 But he’s right, I’m wrong, it’s all meant for my benefit.


 I became expert at shoving those doubts aside,

and not wanting to notice them as the years rolled by.

But my insides knew something was drastically wrong,

an insidious pall was taking over my heart.


The atmosphere of our life grew pervasively ill.


 I started to decline; my head grew heavy;

my mind was being manipulated by a calculating crazy.

I grew worrisome and anxious–what was the truth?

My body knew the answer but my mind wouldn’t follow suit.


 Eventually I woke up–I faced it at last, the sober reality was that I had to get out.

You’ll never make it without me, was his shout as I walked out the door.

But the freedom and confidence I felt was no illusion,

There’s no one outside of me making my decisions.

Monday’s Poetry Potluck:  Doubts, Fear, Inhibitions and Hesitations;  http://jinglepoetry.blogspot.com/

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48 Comments

  1. You’ve managed to capture the struggle and feelings of a lot of failing relations. Good work.

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  2. You read my diary, huh?

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  3. inspirational x

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  4. You’re not alone.. I think we inadvertently pass the baton on to our kids.. etc.. etc.. etc..

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    • Oh, I know I’m not alone. I’ve become so cynical though about marriage and can hardly muster up much happiness when young couples I know head to the altar. I mutter under my breath, “give it a few years…”.

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  5. We’ve become emancipated and realized (maybe late) that we didn’t have to live in a miserable existance. After such a short courtship for most of us, divorce or separation is inevitable. I’m happy it only took 33 years for it to sink in for me..

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    • I was just so young–it took almost 25 for me. Luckily our two daughters were adults and doing well for themselves at the time.

      Only 33, huh? Think of the many who just stay together in spite of the misery–like my parents…

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  6. Such a difficult thing. So many women allow this. Just finished reading “The Help” in which one of the characters goes through this. Bravo to all who are able to get out, be free.

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    • True. I walked away with nothing and I still felt liberated and never thought of going back. I count that strength in me to do that a huge blessing. If you’ve given it your best try, then move on so at least you both have a chance at happiness again.

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  7. what an empowering piece! i have seen friends who came to this decision… long years of suffering… and when they finally came to their senses and walked out, they never looked back again. simply brilliant!

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    • Yes, I hope others will feel encouraged and empowered if they read this. It’s not worth it to stay in a sick relationship, especially if the sick one doesn’t think he’s sick! Glad you liked this, Bing.

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  8. Both mind and body must make up their minds to cut away. There’s physical abuse and then there’s emotional abuse, either or both, some are afraid to go for whatever reason(s). I’m not in their shoe(s), but I’m a product of feet that wore those shoes.

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    • Believe me emotional abuse is physical too! That’s what I meant by the body “knowing” but the intellect wouldn’t/couldn’t follow.

      I’m glad you’re not in those shoes, Apollorose–may your feet never wear them.

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  9. it was a shame that he could not realize your worth! All abusive people behave in the same way, thats why some can recognize them instantly and run away from them the moment they become confirmed that they are.

    some people hope that love will change them, which seldom does but mostly does not.

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    • Yes, he couldn’t see my worth–but I couldn’t see it either for a while. The relationship could never happen now–but then I was too young and inexperienced to see clearly.

      I keep a very healthy distance from people like this these days.

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      • sometimes these people make you think that you are “unworthy”, i have met some people like that, and its really tough to shake them off – they love to impose themselves and their views on others.

        they are toxic.

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      • The very saddest thing about all this is that he is still doing this to people. Even our daughters are distancing themselves from him–and other people are too. I believe it really is a mental illness.

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      • it usually is a psychological problem. he will be looking for one victim after the other. its but natural.

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      • You are exactly right.

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  10. What a great struggle to freedom! The journey we embark upon to find our true value takes many forms. Your description here is so vivid and emotion. I truly enjoyed it. Thank you!

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    • Yes, it really was a huge struggle. I’ve learned that everyone has obstacles in life that can be overcome with strength and fortitude.

      I’m glad you enjoyed this, Marlee–thanks so very much.

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  11. superb job..

    A++

    have fun today, bless you.

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  12. Powerful capture of the influence another can have on our being… and the hesitations that our gut tells us need be. To know thyself!

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    • I never want to allow that to happen again! Whew! I’m on guard now and listening to my inner self with more attention.

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  13. I admire your courage to walk away. People who are full of hurts can only give hurts unless they make the effort to love. Huggs 🙂

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    • Thank you very much. That’s a very sad and powerless place to come from isn’t it–full of hurts.

      And thanks for those hugs! 🙂

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  14. Wonderfully told, your flow was perfectly grabbing. You also express that moment in relationship so well, I walked out with you! Lovely write ~ Rose

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  15. A.B. Thomas

     /  May 2, 2011

    A strong write!

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  16. amazing,,,,,,,,I thought I commented, check your spam box.

    A++

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  17. Jessica

     /  May 3, 2011

    I love the way that told a story, and your strength to walk away! Nice layout too.

    http://jessicasjapes.wordpress.com/2011/05/01/darkly-imagined/

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  18. great poem..very descriptive and written with feeling…I can associate with it very much though probably not in the way you describe 🙂

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  19. Tell me it’s fiction and not happening right now!

    Eventually I woke up–I faced it at last, the sober reality was that I had to get out.
    You’ll never make it without me, was his shout as I walked out the door.
    But the freedom and confidence I felt was no illusion,
    There’s no one outside of me making my decisions.

    Sadly, I have been there more than once. I know this very well- There’s no one outside of me making my decisions..

    Want that just one more time to happen, just this once. I promise would never ever let anyone else take charge!

    Your words uplifted my spirits Rose sweets!
    Many Hugs xoxox

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    • Not fiction but not happening right now either. Happened when I left my long-time marriage many years ago now. Most people can relate to being in an unhappy relationship. Best to move on and not be tortured!

      I’m happy this uplifted your spirit, Olivia.

      Hugs… xoxo

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      Reply
  20. very nice… sometimes you have to face the fact it is time to let go.

    my potluck post was here
    http://blackswanpoetry.wordpress.com/2011/05/01/poem-flexed/

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    • Yes, you do. Hopefully sooner than later!

      I love your potluck poem, Swanrose–very passionate and confident.

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