When the Moment Comes I Die

When the moment comes I die

My breath will leave me with a sigh

Ahh, at last I’ll be at rest

All trials and burdens will be in the past

I’ll be alone when I am gone–

Alike the same as when I came

This shell will be tired and withered worn

And I’ll be at peace and welcome home

The transition will be a painless one

A light will appear to guide me on

I will not fret

I will not cry

Just sing me a sweet lullaby

I’m moving from one room to another

Closing one door and opening a window

Out the window I will fly

A whisper of light merged with all there is

Some day to return to birth again

 


Another writing challenge through Victoria.  Prediction of my death.

Entry for Thursday’s Poet’s Rally Week 41

http://thursdaypoetsrallypoetry.blogspot.com/

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75 Comments

  1. splendid gayle. what a restful sleep it will be. we all long for a sleep like this, dont we?

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  2. This brings tears to my eyes. I love that thought of just stepping from one room to another. Beautiful.

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    • I like that idea too–effortless. I’m happy you were touched by my poem, Judy–thank you for your visit.

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  3. Yep! That how I see it, too. Nicely written, Gayle.

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  4. the transition, one that scares most but I like the positive twist about reincarnation, just lovely B. thanks 🙂

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  5. honeyhaiku

     /  April 5, 2011

    Gayle this is lovely. A gentle reflection of the soul’s ending for one life into the next. Beautiful.

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  6. Very nice.

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  7. That’s how I see it, Bodhirose…….I sometimes chuckle to myself that I hope I can remind “me” to move toward the light. 🙂

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    • Haha, Leslie, something tells me we won’t have to worry about that! Thanks for coming by today and your lovely comments.

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  8. Amen, Gayle. And beautifully executed poem. Blessings …

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  9. Wow, I hope I can die this peacefully. Beautifully written.

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  10. beautifully written 🙂

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  11. these days do not end us

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  12. Comforting words..how nice if they’re true 🙂

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  13. I hope I approach transition so peacefully. The picture goes very well with your words.

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  14. when it is time, there is no other option,

    you will go beautifully like this since you are prepared,
    smiles.

    masterful job.

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    • No, we have no option–we’ll have to go. I hope you are right about being prepared.

      Thanks so much, Jingle. xoxo

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  15. Julian Javier the Cyber Mushroom

     /  April 7, 2011

    after reading this, i got excited and suddenly wished to die naturally immediately hehehehe! nicely done and delivered! i love it!

    please check mine too: “Beyond Silent Wars”

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    • Haha–that’s cute–yeah maybe not such a bad thing after all! So glad you liked this, Julian.

      Now, let me go check out yours…

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  16. Amazing simply amazing… Reminds me of one of the best books I’ve read … ” The Tibetan Book of the Dead”…

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    • Well now I’m amazed–“The Tibetan Book of the Dead” is one of my favorites too. I have a quote from that book here on my blog under “Quote”.

      I’m glad you liked this, Sam–thank you.

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  17. Loneliness seems to be running high this Rally… Well done!

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    • Now that I think of it–you’re right, Seabell–the postings have been a bit “emotional”.

      Thank you so much.

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  18. This is beautiful, Gayle.. I read this sitting by my window side, and I can’t help but turn an eye toward it 🙂 I wonder if my escape when the time comes will be through the same window… Eloquent write.

    Rally Week 41 – My Poetry

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    • It just might be your portal out of here, Vinay–you never know! 😉 Thank you for your nice comment for me.

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  19. Beautiful way of thinking about death… Lovely words!

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  20. ..please visit poets who are here, but you did not reach initially, thanks, we call it return favors, part of the rule,
    bless your Friday.
    😉

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  21. A truly beautiful way to surrender to new beginnings, instead of the end. 🙂
    Keep on shining, and have a beautiful Spring.

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  22. Beautiful expression of the souls journey. ~ Rose

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  23. Let’s hope we will all be around for some more time. Excellent! And thank you very much for visiting my Asian girl! Regards!

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    • I sure hope we will be. Thank you, Blaga, for your visit. I enjoyed your story very much–you’re welcome!

      Gayle

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  24. ” … I’m moving from one room to another
    Closing one door and opening a window
    Out the window I will fly …”

    Nice imagery!

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  25. this is how i want to go… restful, peaceful slumber… smooth transition… what a haunting piece!

    http://pinklady-bing.blogspot.com/2011/04/remembrance.html

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  26. awesomely done Gayle.. SmileS.. here is my rally poem… a dream she is… a kiss seals…

    Someone is Special

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  27. This is beautiful and quite frightening…predicting one’s death…but I know it will happen to us all…glad that someone like you can freely write about death without any fear!

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    • Thank you, Amity–I appreciate your thoughts. I can only hope it will be a peaceful and fearless transition when the time comes. I wrote it as I would like it to be…

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  28. Some aren’t afraid to die or how they’ll die, while others are afraid to live and how they’ll live.

    Sometimes death brings life and other times extends it.

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  29. I hope that your prediction happens exactly as you’ve said here! I enjoyed the slant rhymes in this piece – made it so that it’s not sing-songish, which can be hard to do with rhyme. So I’m curious…if you escape the wheel, what will your next life be? 😀

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  30. Thanks for your supportive comments! As far as my next life, I would just hope that I will pick up my quest for being able to maintain my peace no matter what life “throws” at me! 🙂

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  31. Chloe

     /  April 12, 2011

    Remember how we both wrote a Haiku about ‘ghostly white flowers’ – with no promt and no communication from one another?? Well, I have recently written a poem about death too…although not posted it yet. NOW I am beginning to get a little freaked out! lols 😀

    This poem is great and offers a lot of peace about the inevitability of leaving this earth xx

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    • Wow! What’s going on here? I had written mine as a prompt through Victoria. This is getting a little spooky, Chloe. I look forward to reading yours when you post it.

      I can only hope that my passing is as peaceful and accepting. xoxo

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  32. Yet another brilliant poem Bodhirose. The words had a lovely melodic lyricality to them that I truly enjoyed. Such a good view on a macabre subject.
    The Lonely Recluse.

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  33. A big topic you’ve chosen here and you’ve written your take on it clearly. I have a just a few comments on the grammatical side;
    The first line doesn’t read well..

    ‘When the moment comes I die’ this would work better with a comma after ‘comes’.

    ‘I’ll be alone when I am gone–
    Alike the same as when I came’

    ‘Alike the same as when I came’ the rhyming of ‘same’ and ‘came’ in the same line doesn’t scan and ‘alike’ isn’t needed.

    Alone again when I have left,
    as that moment before my birth

    Just a suggestion to drop ‘gone’ as you are indicating in this poem that no one really ‘goes’ but something remains ‘moving from one room to another’.

    I would critique more fully, but it’s taking ages to keep scrolling up past all the comments to access the poem at the top of the page.

    There is no punctuation except for the – and you start each line with a capital letter with no full stops. A lot of poets do this but I can’t see the value in it. Punctuation to make a poem breathe and add rhythm can really help to improve it, especially when it is read out loud.

    You’ve made this very accessible to the reader, which shows by the number of comments.

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    • Thank you, Avril, for your time spent critiquing my poem–I appreciate it. I will pay attention to punctuation more closely–I can see how it can help with the flow of the poem. Sorry about the tiresome scrolling for you.

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  34. i like esp. the flying out of the window and i think i would start the poem from there and even if it’s future, i would make it present tense. i would also try to fit in some specific images to get the connection between here and there

    i’m closing the door and open this window…
    from here i would go i think….just an idea..

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  35. An excellent inspirational write. I enjoyed very much!!

    http://henryclemmons.wordpress.com/2011/08/18/red-petals/

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  36. ALIVE aLwaYz

     /  August 20, 2011

    afterlife?
    I don’t know, this rather be a surprise!

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