Where Was I?

Hope you find that special ROSE, cause you lov...

Image by Parvin ♣( OFF for a while ) via Flickr

Where was I for all of those years

When all I could focus on were all of my fears?

I couldn’t make contact, I couldn’t embrace,

I couldn’t look at anyone, square in the face.

I stuttered and stammered with shyness so tense,

I couldn’t show up with any sense of intent.

I couldn’t express my thinking–

Did I even have thoughts?

I was stuck in a place behind a self-made prison wall.

Self-consciousness consumed me.

Self-esteem was so lacking,

That my entire back bone had no backing.

I was a highly sensitive child, a shrinking violet inside.

Sensations were uncomfortable. I could feel what people thought.

Don’t glance my way!  Don’t ask me to speak!

As my face would grow pink with a flush of great heat.

But the malady has eased since I was a youngster–

My blossoming took many years,

But now this gentle-petaled Rose has brushed aside her fears.


 

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52 Comments

  1. This is a really great description of someone getting past their fears… you’ve really got a great flow. I love it.

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  2. beautiful like roses…
    keep up the excellence…

    see you at potluck week 15 tonight..
    🙂

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  3. this is such a beautiful poem and an inspiration to all who have fears in their lives..Bodhi you out did yourself on this one as it is truth in walking us through the triumph of your life..I Love It…enjoy as well(+)
    soulbro* 🙂 xo–{–@

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  4. You keep surprising me! The hills do eventually level don’t they?

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  5. this is so sweet Gayle, thank you

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  6. You said it so moving, good work!

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  7. Oh, I had history like this too, and you have described what it’s like so well. Such a relief on the day we wake up and realize it’s finally gone. We are renewed.

    Well done, Gayle. The photo you chose is perfect.

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    • Such a relief is right–it creeps up on you and before you know it you have a voice and a presence that you can share with others.

      Thanks so much, Jamie.

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  8. “I couldn’t make contact, I couldn’t embrace,
    I couldn’t look at anyone, square in the face.
    I stuttered and stammered with shyness so tense,
    I couldn’t show up with any sense of intent.
    I couldn’t express my thinking–
    Did I even have thoughts?”

    To be honest…I have gone through these kind of situations a lot in the last 4 years…but now I have broken free…you have expressed it so well…thank you 🙂

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  9. I’m so happy to hear that you’ve broken free, Sumit. It was a hellish place for me to be and I’m so grateful I finally woke up to know that I’m as worthwhile as anyone else.

    Thank you for your nice comment. My best to you.

    You’re welcome. 🙂 xoxo

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  10. Jessica

     /  December 20, 2010

    Sounds like the rose has grown some thorns! I like the way you have told a story here, it’s very effective and moving.

    http://jessicasjapes.wordpress.com/2010/12/20/one-second/

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    • Oh, for sure, there are some thorns, Jessica!

      Thanks for your kind comments–I really appreciate them.

      Now let me go and see what you have written…

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  11. Jingle

     /  December 20, 2010

    Glad to see you in,
    A++

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  12. It also took me many years to overcome my fears and blossom. Excellent reflection.

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    • Thanks so much, Suzicate, I’m happy for your visit and comment.

      I always wonder why it took me so long…it was hard–maybe to be sensitive to others…

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  13. this is exceptionally beautiful gayle, so tender, touching and beautiful. just like you yourself.

    you shared yourself with us so very tenderly and elegantly.

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  14. I felt like I’d read this before, but then I could have written it. I think many will identify with this, Gayle. Have a happy week and celebrate light!

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    • It’s interesting for me to see how many others were feeling the same way that I once did. Thanks for your visit, Victoria. I hope your coming week is a good one too. xoxo

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  15. sounds very much like me in those younger years- sounds like we hv this in common bodhi- haha! mines here- http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2010/01/23/painted-hallways/

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  16. Jingle

     /  December 21, 2010

    Hello,

    Happy new Year and Merry Christmas!

    Please feel free to claim any awards from the following links..
    love your support. Thanks for the contribution to potluck poetry,
    http://itistimetothinkformyself.blogspot.com/2010/12/i-was-pleased-2-beat-flu-december.html
    link a poem to our potluck week 15 to show your support today..
    Thanks a ton. xxx

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  17. Jingle

     /  December 21, 2010

    oops, you already did..

    stay blessed,
    Happy Wednesday!

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  18. Excellent poem Gayle! I started out similar for my first three years of school but I moved around, I was a fat kid, and my momma cut my hair in a bowl shape for ease. I may as well been a clown dressed in full costume walking into new schools every year. I didn’t know how to defend myself well but I wasn’t going to be pushed around no matter what it took, so I learned to box and then I learned to talk. When I couldn’t baffle them with BS…I embarrassed them to death because no one wanted to be beat up by a fat kid that looked like a sissy. It gave me the brass I needed to get through some of the toughest times imaginable and some tools in my box that many people are lacking.
    I am thankful that you do not live in a shell any more because if you did we never would have met! You are truly a precious flower and may you spread your beauty all over this world. Take care…and have a Merry merry Christmas!

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  19. Thanks for sharing that Stuart–you had me laughing– “no one wanted to be beat up by a fat kid that looked like a sissy”! So happy you learned some skills to protect yourself and learned to talk–bless your heart.

    Thanks too for your sweet words of support for me–I’m so glad I came out of that shell too–it was getting cramped in there! So glad we met too, you have a wonderful sense of humor and integrity.

    Merry Christmas to you and your family and much love for you always!

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  20. Awh bless that is very emotive. HAPPY CHRISTMAS :O)

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  21. Thanks so much, Madeleine for your comment and visit today. Merry Christmas! xoxo

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  22. Merry Christmas, Gayle! 🙂
    Wishing you the best as always, your dear ol’ Uncle Tree
    *
    Me2’s Christmas Haikus
    *
    A Star amongst stars
    Imagine the gravity!
    The Pull tugs your soul
    *
    Many wise men search’d
    Looking for The King Of Kings
    Three found the right babe
    *

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  23. Thank you for this lovely gift of haiku just as it’s now Christmas day this early AM, Keith.

    I hope you enjoy the holidays. Peace and love…
    Gayle

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  24. gracefulglider

     /  December 25, 2010

    perfect poem for 2011, some much positive energy in the poem. I like it!
    xoxo

    http://wanjikumwaurah.wordpress.com/2010/12/24/i-cry/

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  25. Thanks so very much for your comment–so glad I’ve overcome a lot of those feelings. xoxo

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  26. Beautiful, I loved it.

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