There you are in black and white
A photo taken posed for the camera
You’re eyes locked with mine.
After you died we were gathering pictures
For a collage to celebrate your life.
I stared at this photo and started to cry–
I wanted to see some kindness there.
I said to my sister, look, don’t you see it?
It’s there in his eyes–it’s there I just know it.
But as I studied it closer, I saw the truth–
Your eyes mirrored back to me the empty,
Shallow space I had always encountered.
What was it that had held you so closed?
What had etched and chiseled the pain
On your heart so deeply and fixed
That you couldn’t feel ours?
You freely shared your depression and darkness
And your deep regret for the life of your choosing.
As I grew older my hate softened to sorrow as I realized
You weren’t capable of being the someone I wanted.
In the shortened span of time at your ending
You remained firmly entrenched in your narcissism.
It was our folly we looked for something more.